If we had to list your favorite places based on where you spend the most time,
Your growth edge would top the list.
Out, walking headfirst into the things that scare you most.
Becoming who you must become to realize your longings.
Leaning into whatever’s calling you
With all you’ve got.
You’ve never done anything else
And if you’ve dabbled in another way, you soon tired of the boredom,
Stagnation, the feeling of dying on the vine.

No, you’re made for the arena.
For the fire.
Where you feel at home because you burn so hard inside for all of it.
For experience. Dreams. Adventure. Novelty. Transcendence.
For expansion. Assemblage. Life.
Wild spaces reflect the wild in you and soothe your lust for life
By meeting it, welcoming it, absorbing it.

And this growth edge that you so rarely leave
Always comes with growing pains
Struggle. Resistance. Fear. Discomfort.

But remember, comfort can never be the goal.
And it is anathema to being here.
Comfort, in excess, is stagnation.

But don’t let me stop you from designing it in.
Ask for help.
Seek grace in the struggle.
Ease in hard things.

But do not ask it to be easy.
Do not ask it to be comfortable.

These are not the games we’re playing.

You know it in your mind.
Please remember it in your bones.

Rise. Grow. Evolve.
Feel the pain of it.
The friction tells you you’re in motion.

In motion, pulled by longings, to a destiny we can only imagine

The post Life on your growth edge appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

• Taking space from a big problem I’m solving (and leveraging the pattern recognition that comes from it!) . . . when things are really challenging, I oftentimes “ride a bike about it.”
• Resetting my nervous system from being out of whack – what better way to purge stress chemicals?!?!
• Using flow states as a mechanism to grow in my sports – accelerated learning is a thing!
• Flowing with life – using the triggers/flow cycle as a frame for the process of being alive, creating, flourishing
• Coping – I frequently remind myself that the antidote to trauma is flow, so flow can be a great tool to incorporate after a hard/undesirable occurrence to mediate its ability to overwhelm our coping skills and change the brain.

As I write that, I realize that each bullet point is a rabbit hole unto itself, which reminds me that talking about triggers is just the icing on the cake of understanding flow and it’s benefits

The post FLOW TRIGGERS: wrap up appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

Dopamine: The Focus and Motivation Maestro

At the forefront of this biochemical masterpiece is dopamine, often hailed as the “focus and motivation chemical.” Dopamine acts as the driving force behind our pursuit of goals, providing the mental stamina to navigate challenges.  It also introduces a sense of euphoria and satisfaction that keeps us coming back for more.  

Street Drug Equivalent: Cocaine

Just like the surge of confidence and euphoria experienced with cocaine, dopamine in flow induces a similar state of heightened pleasure and focus. However, unlike the short-lived effects of the drug, the flow-induced dopamine high sustains, propelling you further into a productive and satisfying state.

Norepinephrine: Focused Attention in the Face of Challenge

Enter norepinephrine, the neurotransmitter responsible for focused attention and a key player in the fight-or-flight response. As the intensity of the challenge increases, norepinephrine steps up, releasing adrenaline into the body. This dual role in enhancing focus and triggering an alert, action-ready state adds a dynamic layer to the flow experience.

Street Drug Equivalent: Amphetamines

Similar to the effects of amphetamines, norepinephrine in flow provides a burst of energy and heightened awareness. However, the flow state’s norepinephrine boost is a natural, sustainable source of energy, avoiding the crash associated with drug-induced stimulation.

Endorphins: The Blissful Harmony

Endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, flood the system during the flow state, inducing a sense of euphoria and bliss. These chemicals act as the brain’s built-in reward system, alleviating stress and promoting an overall sense of well-being.

Street Drug Equivalent: Morphine

Much like the tranquilizing effects of morphine, endorphins in flow create a sense of calmness and happiness. The key difference lies in the natural and sustainable nature of endorphins, steering clear of the addictive and harmful qualities associated with their pharmaceutical counterpart.

Anandamide: The Bliss Molecule

Anandamide, aptly named after the Sanskrit word for bliss (ananda), is a cannabinoid neurotransmitter associated with mood regulation and relaxation. Flow induces anandamide release, creating a serene and peaceful mental landscape.

Street Drug Equivalent: THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol)

Anandamide’s effects are reminiscent of the calming influence of THC, the active ingredient in cannabis. However, the flow state’s anandamide-induced bliss is characterized by clarity of thought and focus, without the haziness associated with recreational drug use.

Serotonin: The Mood-Enhancing Virtuoso

Serotonin, the neurotransmitter regulating mood and well-being, plays a crucial role in the flow state. Elevated serotonin levels create a positive, uplifted mood, fostering a sense of confidence and overall satisfaction.

Street Drug Equivalent: MDMA (Ecstasy)

Similar to the mood-enhancing effects of MDMA, serotonin in flow induces a heightened sense of happiness and connection. Yet, unlike the temporary highs of the street drug, the flow state’s serotonin boost is sustained, contributing to a lasting sense of fulfillment and well-being.

The Autotelic Nature of Flow: Doing It for the Sake of Doing It

In essence, the combination of these neurotransmitters in flow creates a self-reinforcing loop of motivation, focus, and pleasure. The autotelic nature of flow means that we engage in it not just for external rewards but for the inherent satisfaction derived from the activity itself. This self-sustaining cycle makes flow not only a state of peak performance but also a deeply fulfilling and addictive experience – this potent neurochemical concoction not only fuels peak performance but also delivers an irresistible high. This heightened sense of accomplishment, combined with the thrilling focus forms a feedback loop that pulls us back into the flow state time and again.  And so, the allure of flow beckons us to unlock our full potential, one euphoric and focused moment at a time.

The post Decoding the Chemistry Behind Flow States and Peak Performance appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

• Struggle:  The struggle phase is often misunderstood as a roadblock when, in reality, it’s the foundation of growth. It’s here that you push your boundaries and face challenges that allow you to evolve.
• Release: A moment of surrender and letting go. It’s about trusting your skills and allowing yourself to enter the flow state. In the release phase, you let go of self-doubt, limiting beliefs, and distractions. It’s the phase where you find inner calm and trust in your abilities, a crucial precursor to entering the flow state.
• Flow: This is the sweet spot. You’re fully engaged, time flies by, and your performance soars. It’s where you feel most alive and aligned with your true self.
• Recovery: After the intense experience of flow, it’s essential to rest and recharge. This phase is often neglected but is crucial for long-term well-being.  This isn’t just physical rest; it’s about replenishing your nervous system. Flow is neurochemically expensive, and your brain’s reward system goes into overdrive. Recovery is the phase that ensures you’re ready for the next journey into flow.

• Practice mindfulness meditation to calm your mind and let go of external distractions. Try a physiological sigh to calm your nervous system.
• Identify and reframe negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.  Reframe anxiety to excitement.
• Cultivate a growth mindset that views challenges as opportunities for growth.

• Prioritize sleep to allow your body and brain to recharge fully.
• Engage in physical activities that promote relaxation, such as yoga, gentle stretching, or a walk.
• Enjoy restorative and uplifting social time
• Consume foods rich in nutrients that support brain health, like omega-3 fatty acids.  Drink water!

The post FLOW occurs in a cycle appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

Before I go any further, I would absolutely love replies on any thoughts that my musings inspire. I’m super intrigued by this topic of confidence, and I would love any insights you have to share on the matter! And any reactions you have to my thoughts on it!

Ok, so I just met a guy in Oaxaca that found my write up on Aconcagua and happens to be riding his bike to Argentina from British Columbia to climb and maybe ski it.  By some twist of fate, we happened to be about 10 miles away from each other in Mexico, so we met in person to talk about adventures and the mountain.

He was talking to his friends about me, and they agreed that it would take a lot of confidence to walk  into Aconcagua alone. That I must be a confident person. 

What’s funny is that my memory is of nothing but doubt. I don’t recall ever feeling confident about any of it. I do recall feeling like I had lost my mind to even consider trying.

And I had trust. I trusted, and trust now, in myself. I decided that the most likely worst case scenario was three days and $500 I’d never get back. I trusted myself to walk into Basecamp and back safely. It didn’t seem like that needed a lot of confidence. It was a trail, a hike, and  I’ve walked in a lot of mountains on a lot of trails.  

According to ChatGPT, “Trusting yourself involves belief in your abilities and judgment, while confidence is more about the assurance and faith in those abilities. Trusting yourself is more like the bedrock of your belief, while confidence is the outward expression of that trust.”  ChatGPT goes on to say, “Trusting oneself and acting on that trust typically results in confidence. When you believe in your abilities and decisions, it reflects in your actions and demeanor, contributing to a confident presence.”

So confidence, then, is the outward expression of trusting yourself. OK, I can probably work with that.

So I guess I was confident. I mean, if I use the definition. But that’s weird because I definitely didn’t feel confident. Does that mean the confidence doesn’t feel like it? Confidence means acting out of the trust you have in yourself even if your predominant experience of it is doubt? 

So is this whole issue out there with confidence that people believe that it’s supposed to feel like it? That you’re supposed to feel like you got this thing? Because, like, whoever feels that? 

I suppose people would routinely look at me and say that I’m confident, and maybe I am. But that’s never my word. I mean maybe sometimes it is. Sometimes I feel like I got this. Or, perhaps I don’t really care if I got it or not, because I know I’m gonna try. Whether or not I think I’m gonna be successful really doesn’t have much to do with whether or not I’ll try, if it’s something I really want.  Or if it’s something I’m curious about … As long as the most likely worst case scenario is tenable to me.

And yet I choose a frame of playfulness. I play with things, I try them like it’s a game. Read and run. I don’t get a lot of identity wrapped up in being successful. In some respects, maybe an element of that has always been true. I didn’t choose chemical engineering because I was sure I could do it. I chose to take a few classes to see if I could, and then just do my best.  I don’t recall feeling confident, I just recall feeling willing to try.

I’ve been sitting with my journal from 1999, and my 19 year old self was sure that the important thing was to figure out who you are and what you want, and then go after it without making excuses. She’s very clear on the no excuses thing. Very little tolerance for knowing what you want and not going after it.  I always just called that drive. I don’t think I’ve ever related to it as confidence.  But it would appear that the world sees it as, and calls it, confidence.

If people think that confidence feels like what they think it will, no wonder nobody thinks they have it! But if confidence actually feels like doubt, actually feels super uncertain and marginally unstable .., and it means trusting yourself to sort through whatever comes up…  I bet lots of people are confident and don’t even know it!

Is this like the ultimate reframe out there that’s holding everybody back? This feels insane.

I don’t know, maybe I am confident. I did this crazy, brutal, drive through the mountains to the coast yesterday in Mexico (alone), and when I started to think that I didn’t like it because it was dark and maybe I was unsafe and maybe things could go wrong and I didn’t want to be there, I just chose not to think those things. It wasn’t going to change whether or not I finished the drive, and it was just gonna make me carry tension for the rest of it. It wasn’t going to make me pay any more attention than I was, because I was white knuckles on the steering wheel and paying lots of attention, regardless. I had done everything I needed to be safe, and knew I was accepting the background risk because it was my best option, or at least my preferred option.  I was committed, but certainly wouldn’t label that commitment as confidence. Although anybody looking at me, probably would.

So is that confidence? That I just trust myself to sort whatever I need to, so I’m willing to try? That I’m willing to go after what I want, don’t make excuses about it? That 19-year-old would be so angry at me if I started making excuses, and I don’t dare incur her wrath!

Maybe I finally feel confident. Which is just to say that I believe in myself.  If I am confident, though, I do think it’s important that everybody know that confidence usually feels like doubt. Usually feels like fear. Usually feels uncertain. And sometimes that’s what’s fun about it. Maybe confidence is just a willingness to work with all those feelings, while still following your heart, and finding a way to do what it is that you want to do. And by want, I mean in your bones. That deep wanting, the yearning. The stuff that really matters.

So, if confidence is acting from a place of trust in yourself, then building confidence means building trust in yourself. I would say it’s trust in your capabilities, in your abilities. And your capacity. A capacity to sort it, and your inner knowing that you will. Or that you will do whatever you can when it needs to be done and if that’s not enough, then you’ll deal with that.  I suppose at this point, I trust my abilities because I’ve done a lot. I’ve proven to myself time and time again that I’ve got more in me than I think I do, and I can pull some shit off. I have lots of formal training, lots of mentorship, and I’m continually learning.

I would absolutely adore your thoughts on this matter, because I am now quite fascinated by the topic! Please do reply, and I promise to read it, and engage in lively comparison of what it’s like out there in the world!

Want stuff like this in your inbox? Drop your email here!

The post Thoughts on confidence … appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

• Taking space from a big problem I’m solving (and leveraging the pattern recognition that comes from it!) . . . when things are really challenging, I oftentimes “ride a bike about it.”
• Resetting my nervous system from being out of whack – what better way to purge stress chemicals?!?!
• Using flow states as a mechanism to grow in my sports – accelerated learning is a thing!
• Flowing with life – using the triggers/flow cycle as a frame for the process of being alive, creating, flourishing
• Coping – I frequently remind myself that the antidote to trauma is flow, so flow can be a great tool to incorporate after a hard/undesirable occurrence to mediate its ability to overwhelm our coping skills and change the brain.

As I write that, I realize that each bullet point is a rabbit hole unto itself, which reminds me that talking about triggers is just the icing on the cake of understanding flow and it’s benefits

The post Flow triggers: wrap up appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

Flow states are those remarkable moments when everything clicks: your performance soars, creativity flourishes, and you feel truly alive. We’ve explored various triggers that ignite flow states, and today, we’re delving into the last one: the risk/consequences trigger.

While I don’t endorse seeking out risks solely to enter a flow state, it’s undeniable that many flow-prone activities intrinsically involve an element of risk. Whether it’s the thrill of a high-speed downhill bike ride, the challenge of launching a new entrepreneurial venture, the precision and dynamic response of nailing a complex negotiation, or anything out there with perceived consequences (physical, emotional, financial, social, etc) . . . risk can be a powerful catalyst for flow. 

The Neuroscience Behind the Risk/Consequences Trigger

Engaging in activities that carry an inherent risk causes your brain to release norepinephrine. This neurotransmitter is a crucial part of your body’s adaptive response to challenging or perilous situations. In activities known to induce flow states, the amount of norepinephrine released correlates with the perceived level of risk. In simple terms, as the stakes rise, so does your readiness to face the challenge.

This heightened state of physiological and psychological preparedness enhances the intensity and focus experienced during flow states. It can even modulate pain perception, enabling endurance of discomfort while managing risk.

Risk and Flow: An Intriguing Connection

As the level of risk increases, so does the potential for achieving flow. Here’s why:

1. Prioritizing the Task: High-risk situations prioritize tasks, enhancing focus, and performance. Your heightened focus enables you to react almost instinctively to whatever unfolds – brain and body in perfect harmony. 
2. Immediate Feedback: Risky activities offer prompt feedback, keeping individuals engaged and adaptive. This feedback loop of action and consequence helps to anchor in the present moment, enabling real-time adjustments and reinforcing engagement.
3. Sense of Urgency:  Risk heightens urgency, motivating full immersion.
4. Increased Challenge: Risk introduces novel and complex challenges, fueling deeper flow states through skill utilization. 
5. Enhanced Emotional Engagement: Emotions stirred by risk intensify flow, deepening task immersion.
6. Heightened Performance: The perceived consequences of failure push individuals to perform at their best, amplifying their skills and abilities. 

In essence, an increased level of risk creates conditions that align with the core elements of flow, such as challenge, focus, immediate feedback, and emotional engagement. While not every high-risk situation guarantees flow, the presence of risk elevates the potential for entering this highly desirable and productive state of mind. 

However, it’s crucial to find the right balance of challenge and risk that matches your skill level and comfort zone, as excessive risk can lead to anxiety and hinder flow. So, when embarking on life’s challenges, consider the risk/consequences trigger as your a potential gateway to the performance you need!

The post Flow Triggers: Risk (consequence) appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

Creativity as a Flow Trigger:

Creativity acts as a flow trigger, initiating the flow state itself. Engaging in creative activities that challenge individuals and provide an opportunity for self-expression can lead to the experience of flow. When people immerse themselves in a creative task they are passionate about, they often become so absorbed in the process that they enter the flow state naturally.  The inherent enjoyment and intrinsic motivation associated with creative pursuits can be powerful drivers of flow. Creative activities often align with other flow triggers like clear goals, immediate feedback, a balance of challenge and skill, and a sense of autonomy. 

Creativity as an Output of Flow:

On the other hand, creativity is an output of flow.  When individuals are in a flow state, they often experience heightened creativity and innovative thinking. The characteristics of flow, such as deep focus, complete absorption, and a loss of self-consciousness, create an optimal environment for creative ideas and insights to emerge. In the flow state, individuals experience a state called transient hypofrontality – the prefrontal cortex literally shuts down and other networks in the brain light up.  In this state of “flow consciousness,” individuals experience an expanded sense of awareness and cognitive fluidity. In this state, the brain can make new associations and combine ideas in unique ways, leading to creative breakthroughs. Many artists, musicians, writers, and innovators have reported that their most groundbreaking ideas and works emerged during flow states.

In summary, creativity and flow have a mutually reinforcing relationship. Engaging in creative activities can lead to flow experiences, where individuals experience heightened creativity as an output. Simultaneously, flow states can enhance creative thinking and innovation, leading to a continuous cycle of inspiration and productivity. Harnessing the power of flow and creativity can lead to enhanced performance, well-being, and a deeper sense of fulfillment in various aspects of life.

——————————————————————————————-

Did you miss the past descriptions?  Check them out!

What is FLOW?

FLOW TRIGGERS EXPLAINED:

Curiosity, passion, and purpose

Autonomy

Complete Concentration

Risk

Rich Environment: Novelty

Rich Environment: Complexity

Rich Environment: Unpredictability

Clear Goals

Immediate Feedback

Deep Embodiment

Challenge/Skills ratio

The post Flow triggers: Creativity appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

The Challenge/Skills Ratio: Balancing on the Edge of Mastery

The concept is simple: to access flow states, we need to find the perfect harmony between challenge and skill level – a mythical “place” called the Flow Channel which resides between boredom and anxiety.  The sweet spot lies where the challenge is just around 4% higher than your current skill level, or as I like to say, 4% more than you know you’ve got!  The idea is to trigger the heightened sense of awareness from being slightly outside comfortable, but not so far that fear takes over and cognitive load goes so high it blocks flow. 

 When the challenge is slightly beyond our current skill level, the brain goes into an optimal state of arousal. Neurotransmitters like dopamine and norepinephrine surge, enhancing focus, motivation, and cognitive processing.

The Challenge/Skills Ratio is a practical tool that can transform the way we approach challenges. If a task feels overwhelming, consider how you can break it down into smaller, manageable steps. By reducing the challenge level, you create an opportunity to build skills gradually and ease into the flow channel.   Or, if you feel stagnated, consider how you might make things just slightly more difficult.  

Here’s a few ways to utilize this concept:

1.  If you’re feeling overwhelmed/anxious about the task at hand (and the reframe to excitement isn’t working), consider how you can chunk it down and reduce the challenge level.  If you’re afraid of speaking, start with small audiences.  If you’re worried that your job might not be the right fit, rather than “rip the band-aid and quit,” start taking small steps to optimize your current experience.  Remember that leaving your comfort zone (boredom) is important to activate your nervous system and pay attention, but a little-by-little approach is sustainable way to go about it, and the best way to engage flow to aid your pursuits!  
2. Remember your 4% might change daily, and be influenced by other factors in life (sleep, menstrual cycle, hydration, other stress, etc.).  Thus, eliminate measurable achievement as a calibration of how you’re doing (keeping up with certain people skiing, clearing the double on your mountain bike, leading the meeting to some standard of how it “should” be done) and rather measure your extension.  Work internally to find your 4% and always aim to function about 4% beyond comfortable.  
3. Consider it’s less about “pushing” yourself – this rhetoric implies going beyond the flow channel into anxiety.  It’s more about “extending” yourself . . . stepping just a little further than you’re totally comfortable, but not so far that your cognitive load goes up to a point you’re blocked from flow.  Play with your edge such that you enroll extra cognitive capacity that comes from a playful state.  Go too far in the challenge, and the stress chemicals shut this down!
4. Conversely, if you find yourself stagnating in a comfort zone, consider extending yourself by around 4%. This expansion nudges you beyond your current mastery level, setting the stage for growth and innovation.  Ride a little faster, take on a project just a little harder than normal, step just outside your comfort zone socially . . .  

Playing at the Edge of Flow

As you embrace the Challenge/Skills Ratio, envision it as playful exploration. Stepping just beyond your comfort zone invites the perfect amount of cognitive load, sparking your brain into a heightened state of engagement. Going too far into anxiety-inducing challenges isn’t the goal—it’s about finding your playful edge, where growth thrives and flow is activated.

Next time you’re teetering between the known and the unknown, aim for that 4% sweet spot—the bridge between challenge and mastery, where your potential truly comes alive.

The post Flow triggers: the challenge/skills ratio appeared first on Kellie Okonek.

Deep embodiment involves immersing yourself so profoundly in an activity that your entire being – body, mind, and even spirit – becomes fully engaged. It’s the sensation of being completely absorbed, where your consciousness merges with the action. This state of profound presence and connection is a trigger for flow, as it aligns your focus, minimizes distractions, and amplifies the intensity of the experience.

Traditionally, we’ve thought of the brain as the leader of the nervous system controlling the body.  Embodied cognition is the name given to our current understanding – our ability to think and make decisions is heavily influenced, or perhaps even determined by, our experience in the physical world.  Interactions with the environment are actually part of the computational process.

Which helps understand why deep embodiment – paying attention to multiple sensory systems at once – is a flow trigger that works by reducing cognitive load.  By connecting to our bodies, and directly accessing this information stream, we are aided in the journey out of the “thinking mind” and into the deep now.

Embodiment refers to your bodily awareness, including information coming from inside your body (interoception) as well as information your body is taking in from your surroundings (exteroception).  Sometimes this is called your “felt sense.”

How to practice?  

• Immerse yourself in the sensory intricacies of the experience – the breeze on your skin, the scents around you, the rhythm of your movements. Engaging your senses strengthens the bond between your body and the activity.
• Mindfulness.  Pay attention to different senses than you’re used to.  Focus on breathing and feeling the breath (in or out of a meditation practice!).  Tune into what you hear when sitting around in your house.  
• Bring attention to different senses than are automatic for you.  Build a practice of pulling more information in.  

We often think of the deep embodiment trigger in the context of action sports but we can access this trigger across the spectrum.  When learning, the deep embodiment trigger can be used when you learn by doing (don’t read about a pump, go tear one apart to see how it works).  

Here’s another way you can use it.  Before doing something we’re scared of (public speaking, dropping into a big line, leading a meeting, a job interview, etc), we’re often told to take a deep breath as if to calm our nervous system (spoiler alert: only marginally effective).  Using that breath offers perhaps more power as a means to connect to your senses and engage the deep embodiment trigger to increase the likelihood you drop into flow doing this scary activity.  After all, flow is what we need in those moments, so standing on the precipice is a great opportunity to check in and use that felt sense to propel you into flow.  THAT’S using the triggers, and here we start to see it come together! 

Using the deep embodiment trigger can be subtle, yet powerful.  Especially in our externally focused culture of goals and achievement, learning to tune in and calibrate with our bodies might be a superpower!

Try it, and I’d love to hear how it goes for you!

Did you miss the past descriptions?  Check them out!

What is FLOW?

FLOW TRIGGERS EXPLAINED:

Curiosity, passion, and purpose

Autonomy

Complete Concentration

Novelty

Complexity

Unpredictability

Clear Goals

The post Flow triggers: deep embodiment appeared first on Kellie Okonek.